Contemplating Life and Politics.

Sitting on the decking with my coffee this morning, relaxing and contemplating the world that I live in. There's a sea mist that is making everything damp but it's quite therapeutic and fresh. It's making me very thoughtful as I hear the birds tweet, and watch a spider making it's web right next to me. Such a creation should never be destroyed. Such an amazing creature.

I've decided to step down at the next election, May 2015. I've known this for a while but it's taken me quite some time to come to terms with it. I've had an ongoing fight for about the last year on whether to attempt to stand again, as I do love my town and what I stand for so much. My opinions may not always follow the crowd, and can cause inner turmoil but at least I know I can stand by what I say.

My old boss, Jim who came to be known affectionately as my Granddad passed away recently. I miss him every day and he was my inspiration for choosing my path into politics. Such a powerful and great presence cannot be replaced and his advice and intuition is sorely missed. Not to mention I just miss not being able to get one of the best hugs I've ever had off someone, or the silly sense of humour that kept me laughing for days on end. I hope to think I've made him proud. (I miss you Jimbo x)

I'm proud of things that I have achieved, there's also things I am not so proud of. However, I feel it's my time to take a step back and actually figure out what I want in life. I've never been the sitting at home, settled kind. I've always been flitting away to find my next adventure. I'm not entirely sure what the plan is yet but I know that standing for re selection would be committing myself to another four years that I'm not entirely sure I could give. That wouldn't be fair on me, or the electorate. On the brighter side, that doesn't mean I'm quitting politics for good come next May. I'm far too opinionated for that. I'll be around, normally manic and doing something silly for charity and the local people.

Right, time to get inside. The sea mist has ensured I have a very wet bottom and my coffee has gone.

Over and out. 

The only thing you have to fear....

I'm feeling empowered! Yes, actually I am. I know that's very preppy for a Sunday night but just hear me out....

Today marks the start of something new in my life. I may well have just cracked my biggest fear: Claustrophobia. In the last few weeks I've hit my issues head on by tackling each one:

The main fact being that I'm a scuba diver who hates being in enclosed spaces. Don't laugh!

I've always felt comfortable diving as I'm in control of my equipment. Safety and control make a massive difference to fear. I've never fancied caves, going through small passages, low visibility, inside wrecks etc. My irrational fear sweeps through my body and freezes me on the spot.

It all started back when I was little. There were a few moments that encouraged the fear to grow. One being when I managed to get my neck stuck in a sunroof and nearly decaptiated myself (impressive, eh?) Another when we went to the HMS Warrior on a school trip and I managed to have a panic attack in the engine room. Obviously I was ridiculously popular with the other kids in my group when they had to cancel the tour. To this day I'd take the stairs over a lift. I don't like walk-in cupboards and if anyone tries to hold me down, well, just don't please. :)

A few years ago in Gran Canaria, my Guide took my into a small hole cave at about 29m. I was so proud of myself for completing this really trival task. It was a start for me to realise that actually it wasn't so bad; in fact I'd found it very interesting.

I started my route into technical diving a few weeks ago in Egypt. With this I had to up my game with safety and getting used to my equipment; especially in emergencies. Going past 40 meters on a dive is when it becomes far more serious. You have decompression to deal with amongst other things. It's not as simple as what I've been used to doing for years. 

One of my main problems was that I hadn't taken my mask off underwater since I'd passed my open water back in 2004. Suddenly realising I had to do it again gave me nightmares and stressed me out. Now writing about it a few weeks later I actually laugh at myself, how pathetic! I soon got over it. Mostly because I didn't want to fail. But I guess we've all been there whilst doing something you don't like at somepoint in your life.

I've been plucking up courage to start UK diving for years. Low visibility really scared me but I promised myself I'd at least try. I was very lucky on the fact the one day I jumped in the lake back in May the visibility was fine! However, I've been back a few times in the last few weeks and I'm now quite familiar with not even being able to see my own hands through the silty water, what joy!

I was diving with others, whom I knew were next to me but not a clue where. It was actually very comforting when floating through the silt on your own. Therapeutic almost. I thoroughly enjoyed the relaxed pace. It was only when I suddenly had this tap on my mask and then a thumb appear in front of my nose did I realised it was time to go up!

So yes. There you have it. Mask skills. Low visibility. Being a bit more self sufficient and aware. Maybe I might even attempt a few more lifts in the oncoming months. You never know but at least it's a start. We all have to start somewhere.

Summertime Reflection.

Someone said to me that other day that I needed to update my blog. This made me realise I actually did need to do this, and also that I have people that enjoy reading my ramblings of unimportant things. I was quite chuffed, if I'm honest. 

At the end of the day the blog is just another egocentric way of putting down all of our own thoughts down hoping that others may take notice. Life has been full speed recently; I haven't had time to sit and muse. I take that as a very good thing, however I do miss having the time to sit down and just think about things.

My hayfever has been at an all time low this year; it's kept me awake, it's kept me swollen, puffy and looking like the elephant man for most of the day. I sit at work with permanent sniffles, everyone thinks I'm sickly. (To be fair, they're kind of right there!) 

I've been told it's been extra specially bad this year. However, it was extra evil at midnight, and now it's woken me up at 5:30am this morning. My sinuses feel like they've peeled away from my forehead and my eyes; well, I won't give a full description but it's not pretty.

So, I've sat outside on the decking with a cup of tea and my iPad.. Writing this note. Every cloud has a silver lining, I suppose. It's very peaceful. Even if I have to have an allergy tablet and a supply of tissues with me on the bench at all times!

I'm off to Dahab (Egypt, my second home) on Thursday. I've been counting down the days since January. My home away from home is finally just forty-eight hours away. It's amazing, as soon as I'm on the plane my allergies quite simply disappear. The dry, arid desert is wonderful, a few full weeks of being able to breath through my nose without choking, or soreness, or sneezing etc. I think half the reason I've been so focused on the flying date is specifically because I've suffered so much this year.

I know what you're thinking, #firstworldproblems. I know, I think it too. Of all the things to whinge about, hayfever is pretty low on the list of things. All I can say is that when it becomes a constant for months on end that it starts to fray your nerves. Either that or the lack of sleep is finally beginning to make me twitch!

Anywho, little blog over and out. I shall sit in the sunshine and report from the beach next week, honest! 

 

A touch on the poorly side.

So, my immune system has taken a nice little nose dive again.

I’d like to think it’s just bad timing and bad luck being Winter and all, but having the flu-like symptoms (Including an evil reoccurring cough)  from the end of November till now kind of hints at a more sinister underlying problem. I’ve been in remission from ME/CFS for nearly ten years now, it only tends to crop up for me to catch colds and bugs a lot easier than others. It’s quite obvious that I’m not the healthiest person, despite my efforts at a balanced diet and exercise. I’m always the “diseased” one, or the “unlucky” one. It doesn’t take long to see that if there wasn’t the drugs there are today, natural selection would have come for me a very long time ago. All I can do is fight, the problem is that at the moment, every day is a fight. I think this is why I’m writing this blog post, a few friends have recently pointed out that I have a “cold”, not to sound over dramatic, but it’s anything but a cold.

Lately, every morning I wake up and struggle to get out of bed, let alone get moving. I keep myself buzzing by a shot of caffeine and sugar and foods throughout the day for energy.. and by about 4pm every day I’m about ready to crash into bed. I’m lucky I last that long really, I make myself. I miss feeling normal otherwise. There was once upon a time when I couldn’t even manage that. Getting out of bed and having a shower was about it for my day. My Mum would have to help me with everything else. Being bed bound, day in, day out for a very long period of time is not a fun thing.

I’ve been to the doctor; she says there’s nothing she can do after two sets of antibiotics.. It’s viral. No amount of antibiotics will cure. It’s a case of looking after yourself. So, instead of my normal bouts of exercise, I find myself laid up in bed with another book, or in the bath trying to stop my bones from aching so much.

It’s not doing my morale any good. No exercise makes Jen a grumpy girl. I feel fat, depressed and lower with every evening that passes. Every time I go to bed thinking, “Ah well, tomorrow is another day, I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning”. Every morning I wake up the same: cough cough, splutter splutter… urgh! Every morning I promise myself that night I’ll go to the gym, or for a swim and then it gets to the evening and I’m wiped out on the sofa. I’m going crazy, I’m desperate to get fit, but knowing how lifeless I feel, physical exertion is the worst thing I can do.

I’m keeping positive and hoping this isn’t the beginning of a relapse.. Staying positive is the way forward. Just a blog post to say bear with me, really.. I hope now you see that it’s not just a cold. I’m not a hypochondriac, I’m genuinely trying to battle with my immune system.

I’m just going to think that in a few months time I can look back on this post and think, hell… I’m so glad I’m not like that anymore! In the meantime, my bed is my saviour. If you want to know the best way that M.E can be described... Pease check out this link: 

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

I've spent years trying to explain M.E. Conversations that lasted for hours...  This wonderful person managed to sum it up in a 5 minute piece.

Aldis vs Waitrose

 

 On twitter tonight:

"@freelanceliz: Discussion on aldi coming to Herne Bay & whether waitrose would be better. @jennieledwards says she doesn't want snobs in HB but normal folk"

Please let me explain the context, I spoke with Liz after and she fully agreed it did not come across the way she meant it to. When the subject of Herne Bay having an Aldis, there were suggestions that we'd sold ourselves short as the original plan was to have a Waitrose. Well, as much as we wanted Waitrose, they didn't want us. Unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. 

When Aldis vs Waitrose came up, certain Councillors and others around me started to murmur things like:

'Aldis!?? Bloody awful, I would never shop there' and 

'oh, I only shop in Waitrose, Aldis is disgusting Herne Bay could have done so much better'

So when I stood up to be positive over Aldis, I first mentioned the fact that I'm pleased, Aldis is actually excellent, it was voted Supermarket of the year and I for one am quite pleased that Morrisons will not be monopolising Herne Bay as it's main supermarket anymore. I could, once again hear very snobbish comments from all around me. It was then that I looked around the Guildhall as I spoke and made my comment about snobs and normal people.

To be honest, I think I've been into a Waitrose three times in my life. Not by choice but quite simply as there isn't one near me. My brother buys his cheese from the Ashford store and says its pretty awesome for day to day stuffs. If there was one near me, I'd probably use it. I tend to use my local independent shops for my meat and veggies etc, then the supermarket for the staples.

I did not intend for that comment to sound like I was snubbing all Waitrose shoppers as snobs, any more than I would look down my nose at Aldis shoppers.

Hope that clears it up a bit. Not something I can get into a couple of tweets!