Today marks the start of something new in my life. I may well have just cracked my biggest fear: Claustrophobia. In the last few weeks I've hit my issues head on by tackling each one:
The main fact being that I'm a scuba diver who hates being in enclosed spaces. Don't laugh!
I've always felt comfortable diving as I'm in control of my equipment. Safety and control make a massive difference to fear. I've never fancied caves, going through small passages, low visibility, inside wrecks etc. My irrational fear sweeps through my body and freezes me on the spot.
It all started back when I was little. There were a few moments that encouraged the fear to grow. One being when I managed to get my neck stuck in a sunroof and nearly decaptiated myself (impressive, eh?) Another when we went to the HMS Warrior on a school trip and I managed to have a panic attack in the engine room. Obviously I was ridiculously popular with the other kids in my group when they had to cancel the tour. To this day I'd take the stairs over a lift. I don't like walk-in cupboards and if anyone tries to hold me down, well, just don't please. :)
A few years ago in Gran Canaria, my Guide took my into a small hole cave at about 29m. I was so proud of myself for completing this really trival task. It was a start for me to realise that actually it wasn't so bad; in fact I'd found it very interesting.
I started my route into technical diving a few weeks ago in Egypt. With this I had to up my game with safety and getting used to my equipment; especially in emergencies. Going past 40 meters on a dive is when it becomes far more serious. You have decompression to deal with amongst other things. It's not as simple as what I've been used to doing for years.
One of my main problems was that I hadn't taken my mask off underwater since I'd passed my open water back in 2004. Suddenly realising I had to do it again gave me nightmares and stressed me out. Now writing about it a few weeks later I actually laugh at myself, how pathetic! I soon got over it. Mostly because I didn't want to fail. But I guess we've all been there whilst doing something you don't like at somepoint in your life.
I've been plucking up courage to start UK diving for years. Low visibility really scared me but I promised myself I'd at least try. I was very lucky on the fact the one day I jumped in the lake back in May the visibility was fine! However, I've been back a few times in the last few weeks and I'm now quite familiar with not even being able to see my own hands through the silty water, what joy!
I was diving with others, whom I knew were next to me but not a clue where. It was actually very comforting when floating through the silt on your own. Therapeutic almost. I thoroughly enjoyed the relaxed pace. It was only when I suddenly had this tap on my mask and then a thumb appear in front of my nose did I realised it was time to go up!
So yes. There you have it. Mask skills. Low visibility. Being a bit more self sufficient and aware. Maybe I might even attempt a few more lifts in the oncoming months. You never know but at least it's a start. We all have to start somewhere.
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